August 29, 2008

First ultrasound picture

We went for an early confirmation of pregnancy appointment today and we got to see the baby's heartbeat! It was both exciting and a little odd at the same time. It seems strange sometimes to think that there is another person inside of me, especially when I can't see any signs of it on the outside. I was thinking about posting the picture, but, well it is pretty unremarkable. He or she is still so small and even in the office it looked kind of like a white blob with that amazing little flickering heartbeat. In the meantime I have yet to get my hands on some sea bands to combat this nausea so I can be more productive at work. Hopefully this weekend we will get some. In the meantime I am trying to eat at least every hour to two hours and getting up early in the morning and eating cheese and crackers, still drinking ginger ale as well. I hope I can make up for not eating so well when this all day sickness goes away.

August 26, 2008

Morning Sickness...

...actually make that all day sickness, has reared its ugly head. I hate being sick and I hate throwing up even more. This leaves me in the predicament of feeling like I am going to throw up a lot and fighting against this feeling... a lot. My DH says I should just throw up because I will feel better if I do, somehow I don't quite believe him. Anyone else have any helpful advice? I am trying pickles and ginger ale today with some moderate success. I think it is more the ginger ale than anything else though.

In spite of the sickness, or more accurately because of it, I am constantly feeling reassured that this is a strong pregnancy, and I am *trying* to give my suffering up to God for the salvation of poor souls.

August 19, 2008

Thank You

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all of the wonderful prayers. I am pleased to report that as of yesterday my HCG levels were looking great! On Friday my HCG level was about 2800 which my Dr. said was great and on Monday it was about 7000. He said they should double every 48 to 72 hours. I am definitely feeling more relieved. Thank you again for the support and prayers.

August 14, 2008

A blessing

We have been blessed once again with new life! I am so happy and nervous at the same time. I am just praying we don't lose this one and that we will have a healthy 9 months and beyond.

August 3, 2008

Having Faith

So. I think I have reached an obstacle in my spiritual development. For awhile now I have been dealing with issues of faith. Specifically faith that God has a plan for all of us and that we belong to him, not to ourselves. Most of this struggle has been centered around issues with death. My own death, the death of other people, sickness, etc. I tell myself to just "let God take care of things" and that, if he decided to take me or someone close to me tomorrow, not only could I not do anything about it, I also have to trust that he knows what is best for all of us. My selfish and self centered nature fights against this very strongly and all of this struggle manifests in severe anxiety and fear at times. My husband, wonderful man that he is, has tried his best to be as supportive as possible. He thinks that it may have something to do with the way I was raised. He thinks I never really dealt with the idea of death when I was young and now it is harder for me to deal with. He could be right... I don't know. All I know is that this is HARD. This fight against myself is one of the most difficult internal struggles I have ever experienced. Just trying to remain positive, not give into fear, and have hope... it is like a battle raging inside my head. I started reading "Love is Stronger Than Death". I forget the author offhand and I will let you know if it helps or not.

Meanwhile, we watched the movie "Bella" this weekend. All I can say is wow! What a wonderful, beautiful, sad, and life-affirming story. To say I cried would be an understatement. Of course, I have been more emotional than usual lately anyway but still. I think that movie will be on my Christmas shopping list for everyone in my family this year.