Well I finally started to do some much needed reading these last few weeks. I am currently reading "To Know Christ Jesus"by F. J. Sheed and I read "God is Love" the first Encyclical by Pope Benedict XVI a couple weeks ago. The Encyclical was great and will bear another reading (or 4 or 5) It was kind of a lot to digest. Maybe I am starting in a bit over my head but I was really moved by some of the excerpts I had read and wanted to read more. The book I am reading now is really wonderful. It is bringing me to a whole new understanding of Christ's life. Whenever I have thought about Christ's life in the past it as always been with a kind of misty fairytale perspective, I can imagine all of the events happening but they seem so... well imaginary I suppose. Not so since I started this book, the author makes his life so real and present. This book will also merit a second or third read through since 1) I don't have a bible (I have been meaning to get one) and he references verses and passages that I wish I could read and 2) There is also a lot to digest in this one as well, just trying to wrap my head around the idea of God as man is simply mind boggling at times.
In other news I am suffering a severe case of baby fever. I have been wanting to have children for what seems like a long time now (over a year or so) and my wonderful husband is finally open to the idea (we have been using NFP to avoid pregnancy). I was really hoping this month would be it but it doesn't look like it is going to happen (or happened?). Sometimes I feel like I wasted so much time in my youth trying not to get pregnant. My priorities were all screwed up back then. I pretty much never questioned the lie that our culture tells its young women, which is if you put yourself and your career first before anything or anyone else you will be happy. Don't get married and have kids young for goodness sake, don't you know you are letting men oppress you if you do that? No, don't save yourself for marriage, we prefer to call casual sex an "expression of personal freedom" (not the personal abuse that it is). Go back to school, move further up in your career, work more hours, climb the ladder, don't put family or your marriage first because they will just weigh you down. When I think of all these falsehoods I just feel so sad sometimes. I suppose I could get really down about all the time lost but a part of me knows if life hadn't happened to me the way it did, I probably wouldn't even be where I am today. I would probably still be chasing that lie instead of being happily married and growing in faith. I am so grateful that I have come to my senses in that respect, God has truly blessed me and continues to bless me even though at times it feels like a struggle. I know God will bless us with children in his own time and that may not be what I think is the right time. In the meantime I will just have to get my baby fix vicariously. The good news about that is that we are going to be an aunt and uncle for the first time pretty soon! I am saying lots of prayers for my sister in law that she will have a safe birth and a healthy baby (she is due Feb 1st). Ok that is probably more than enough rambling for now. :)