...actually make that all day sickness, has reared its ugly head. I hate being sick and I hate throwing up even more. This leaves me in the predicament of feeling like I am going to throw up a lot and fighting against this feeling... a lot. My DH says I should just throw up because I will feel better if I do, somehow I don't quite believe him. Anyone else have any helpful advice? I am trying pickles and ginger ale today with some moderate success. I think it is more the ginger ale than anything else though.
In spite of the sickness, or more accurately because of it, I am constantly feeling reassured that this is a strong pregnancy, and I am *trying* to give my suffering up to God for the salvation of poor souls.
August 26, 2008
August 19, 2008
Thank You
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all of the wonderful prayers. I am pleased to report that as of yesterday my HCG levels were looking great! On Friday my HCG level was about 2800 which my Dr. said was great and on Monday it was about 7000. He said they should double every 48 to 72 hours. I am definitely feeling more relieved. Thank you again for the support and prayers.
August 15, 2008
August 14, 2008
A blessing
We have been blessed once again with new life! I am so happy and nervous at the same time. I am just praying we don't lose this one and that we will have a healthy 9 months and beyond.
August 3, 2008
Having Faith
So. I think I have reached an obstacle in my spiritual development. For awhile now I have been dealing with issues of faith. Specifically faith that God has a plan for all of us and that we belong to him, not to ourselves. Most of this struggle has been centered around issues with death. My own death, the death of other people, sickness, etc. I tell myself to just "let God take care of things" and that, if he decided to take me or someone close to me tomorrow, not only could I not do anything about it, I also have to trust that he knows what is best for all of us. My selfish and self centered nature fights against this very strongly and all of this struggle manifests in severe anxiety and fear at times. My husband, wonderful man that he is, has tried his best to be as supportive as possible. He thinks that it may have something to do with the way I was raised. He thinks I never really dealt with the idea of death when I was young and now it is harder for me to deal with. He could be right... I don't know. All I know is that this is HARD. This fight against myself is one of the most difficult internal struggles I have ever experienced. Just trying to remain positive, not give into fear, and have hope... it is like a battle raging inside my head. I started reading "Love is Stronger Than Death". I forget the author offhand and I will let you know if it helps or not.
Meanwhile, we watched the movie "Bella" this weekend. All I can say is wow! What a wonderful, beautiful, sad, and life-affirming story. To say I cried would be an understatement. Of course, I have been more emotional than usual lately anyway but still. I think that movie will be on my Christmas shopping list for everyone in my family this year.
Meanwhile, we watched the movie "Bella" this weekend. All I can say is wow! What a wonderful, beautiful, sad, and life-affirming story. To say I cried would be an understatement. Of course, I have been more emotional than usual lately anyway but still. I think that movie will be on my Christmas shopping list for everyone in my family this year.
July 10, 2008
What I have been up to lately...
First a pair of socks for my Mom's Birthday
One down and number two about 10% done. Next up is some of my handspun yarn. I am getting better at making the thickness more consistent. I love the color of the blue and white one but it isn't the softest yarn. I will have to think of something creative to do with it.
This yellow is very soft but there is only a tiny bit of it, it came as a free sample with my Drop Spindle.
Purple left over from my first spindle kit.
And finally, I was working on some socks for me with this lovely soft 100% merino sock yarn but I am doing too many sock projects right now so I frogged the sock and decided to make a baby hat out of it. Pattern is from 'Simple 1-2-3 Knitting' .
I also recently picked up this sampler from Knitpicks and I love love love the yarn! I can't wait to start some of the patterns.
One down and number two about 10% done. Next up is some of my handspun yarn. I am getting better at making the thickness more consistent. I love the color of the blue and white one but it isn't the softest yarn. I will have to think of something creative to do with it.
This yellow is very soft but there is only a tiny bit of it, it came as a free sample with my Drop Spindle.
Purple left over from my first spindle kit.
And finally, I was working on some socks for me with this lovely soft 100% merino sock yarn but I am doing too many sock projects right now so I frogged the sock and decided to make a baby hat out of it. Pattern is from 'Simple 1-2-3 Knitting' .I also recently picked up this sampler from Knitpicks and I love love love the yarn! I can't wait to start some of the patterns.
Major merger.
Well, maybe not major so much as minor. I am going to merge my knitting blog with this blog since that is what I am spending a lot of free time doing these days. I seem to be writing challenged though. I have been having some lovely philosophical, political, and religious conversations with my husband recently, which has been wonderful, but whenever I sit down to blog my thoughts seem to dissipate like a mist at sunrise.
June 27, 2008
A Victory...
...posted over at FUMARE. Go read about it here.
I especially like the quote from the geneticist:
"Becoming a member of our species is conferred immediately upon conception. At the moment of conception a human being with 46 chromosomes comes into existence. These chromosomes, the organization, the chromosomal pattern is specifically human. The RNA, the messenger protein, the proteins are distinctly human proteins. So this new human being is a member of our species, and humanity is not acquired sometime along the path, it occurs right at conception. Dr. Peeters-Ney also stated that an embryo or fetus is whole in the sense that “[a]ll the genetic information sufficient and necessary to mature, and the information that is needed for this human being’s entire life is present at the time of conception”; that it is “separate from the mother” because “[t]he genetic program is totally complete and this human being will mature according to his or her own program”; and that it is unique because it has “a totally unique genetic code.”
It makes so much sense its scary.
I especially like the quote from the geneticist:
"Becoming a member of our species is conferred immediately upon conception. At the moment of conception a human being with 46 chromosomes comes into existence. These chromosomes, the organization, the chromosomal pattern is specifically human. The RNA, the messenger protein, the proteins are distinctly human proteins. So this new human being is a member of our species, and humanity is not acquired sometime along the path, it occurs right at conception. Dr. Peeters-Ney also stated that an embryo or fetus is whole in the sense that “[a]ll the genetic information sufficient and necessary to mature, and the information that is needed for this human being’s entire life is present at the time of conception”; that it is “separate from the mother” because “[t]he genetic program is totally complete and this human being will mature according to his or her own program”; and that it is unique because it has “a totally unique genetic code.”
It makes so much sense its scary.
June 15, 2008
June 4, 2008
The bad news...
So I went for my follow up appointment today (well I guess it would be yesterday now since it is 2am) and it was short. The nurse handed me a pamphlet about early pregnancy loss. It really only confirmed what I already knew. Still, it was hard to look at the pamphlet in my lap and the results of my repeat HCG level from Monday. I wasn't surprised, but I wanted it not to be true. So many dreams gone so easily. I know we can keep trying, but I will never have that baby. Still I am thankful that I got to carry a beautiful tiny new life, a brand new soul, inside of me even if only for a very short time. And someday I hope I will meet that soul and know the person who I never got to hold in my arms.
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