One Woman's Daydreams

Frustration with Blogger...

2011-07-05T17:14:00.004-04:00

I have started a new blog on wordpress because I can't access my Blogger dashboard and have not been able to for over a month. You can find me here: www.simplehiddenlife.wordpress.com in the meantime but I am not crazy about wordpress so far either... anyone know of any other free blog sites that have good customization options and not a ton of technical issues?

Got Cloth?

2011-04-27T06:44:00.003-04:00

I LOVE cloth diapers. It borders on insanity really. I mean, they are made to be receptacles of human waste after all. The thing is they are just so cute on or off a baby, they are so soft and fluffy, and they are so much cheaper than disposable diapers. What's not to love? Anyway, if you like cloth diapers Kissaluvs (makers of my favorite newborn fitted diapers, at least the ones I have tried so far) is having a giveaway! I have been coveting their new OS Marvels fitteds and covers for this new baby but haven't made any purchases yet. So bring on the giveaways!
Isn't that a cute diaper?! (picture is from Kissaluvs website)

Why I don't meal plan.

2011-04-26T18:49:00.004-04:00

Ok, so maybe mostly it is because I am lazy. BUT there are also other good reasons why I don't meal plan. First, I don't like being tied into making a specific meal on a specific night. I know I can rearrange the plan if I have to but it still makes me feel sort of constrained, limited, somehow. Second, I like to experiment with new recipes. I probably never would have made the dinner I made tonight if I was meal planning since it was a new recipe for me. It was a very yummy lentil soup garnished with sour cream (if desired, my husband liked it without) and beer cheese muffins on the side. And another spur of the moment meal last Friday was, also very yummy, salmon patties (recipe courtesy of Heavenly Homemakers) which I modified a bit by adding 1/2 roughly chopped avocado, a little dill, and substituting a very generous squeeze of lime juice for the lemon juice. They had a delicious, almost floral, and light flavor. I like to be creative in the kitchen whenever I have the time/energy to do so and I feel like a meal plan would cramp my style.
Now, all this being said, there are drawbacks to not meal planning. One, I have to go grocery shopping more often or try to find recipes for which I have ingredients (or substitutions) on hand. Admittedly I sometimes like the challenge of trying to cook with what I have around, but sometimes a trip to the store is mandatory and not always welcome. Two, I probably waste more food than I would if I meal planned. Example: I had a bunch of fresh dill that I needed for a particular goulash recipe which I meant to either freeze or hang in a bunch and dry for later use. It goes without saying that in the flurry of last minute dinner preparations I threw it in the vegetable drawer, still with all intentions of preserving it for later use, and promptly forgot about it. A week later I had to throw out a very large bunch of funky, wilted, dill. Had I been meal planning I might have had another use for it that week. :( Three, I run the risk of everyone not liking what I made for dinner and, in the case of my toddler, having to make something else. Of course, I know my family's tastes pretty well so this doesn't happen that often but sometimes you run across a recipe that is just a dud and nobody likes it, me included. This is probably the night for a pizza. Finally, sometimes I just don't have the energy or desire to think about (ominous music) what to make for dinner. I am sure you have had those days when it seems like the most difficult task in the world to conjure up a meal out of thin air, or rather, the air floating around in your head (because you just cant think right now.) This happened a lot in my first trimester when I didn't want to eat period, let alone feed two other people. When this happens once in awhile it isn't really a big deal because I just fall back on one of my old standbys: spaghetti, pork chops, a roast of some sort in the crockpot, or chili. But when such a mood, or condition as it may be, persists for days, weeks, or even months (anyone else have 16 week or longer nausea with their pregnancies?) it becomes kind of a problem. So maybe a meal plan would have been good for such a time. Hmm, maybe I should just make up an emergency meal plan and pull it out whenever I feel that way. I probably won't do this though because, well I already said it, I tend to be lazy. ;)

He is Risen!

2011-04-24T21:45:00.002-04:00

Happy and Blessed Easter!

Yarn Along

2011-04-20T19:33:00.002-04:00

Finished the little spring Georgian Lace Cap for Belle. I really don't like how the crown turned out but she seems quite happy with it, yay! It is hard to tell while I am knitting something if she likes it or not because she always seems ambivalent when I tell her "I am knitting ____ for you." But then when I gave it to her she said, "Mommy made a new pink hat for you!" (you means me) and wanted to try it on and look in the mirror immediately. Books are pretty much the same around here except I have added the Dr. Sears pregnancy book to my very sparse reading. Now go visit Ginny for more Yarn Along fun!

Site Revamp

2011-04-14T12:39:00.002-04:00

With all the changing of backgrounds and color themes around here, I have also been thinking of a site revamp. I am not sure exactly what this will entail but I do know I would like this blog to be more... focused. I don't know if I should start another blog with a new purpose or keep this one and just redefine it. I think I need a new 'about' page as well as a new title but it will take quite a bit of thinking on my part. I have been so inspired by the beauty of other blogs lately that I want my blog to reflect more loveliness, as well as be more reflective of my daily life. Stay tuned. :)

Yarn Along

2011-04-13T08:08:00.002-04:00

I finally got it together to join another Yarn Along hosted by Ginny! I finished (well 99%) the bear I was working on for our Little Bear but haven't been able to get him back to duplicate stitch around the neck and make it tighter. She named him Mr. Tunyon and he is well loved. The last finishing touches (eyes, nose, and mouth) are not as perfect as I would like so I have been reluctant to take pictures so far. I had intended to move on directly to knitting a little cardigan for Belle for next fall but when it came down to it, after swatching and everything, I just couldn't make peace with the colors. When I ordered the yarn it seemed perfect but now I am not so sure that an eggplant cardigan with black collar, button band, and cuffs is what I want to knit for her. In the meantime, Belle has been asking me to knit her "something pink". She found some light pink Debbie Bliss cathay yarn I had in my stash and has been wanting to play with it all the time. I am pretty sure this is the yarn she had in mind. So I cast on a lacy little spring cap for her a couple days ago.
Reading has been sparse around here lately, except for children's books. Isabelle has been enjoying Dr. Seuss lately, Fox in Socks especially. She as also been liking the Saggy Baggy Elephant, a Golden Book from my childhood. I have mostly been reading blogs and a page here and there from the books in my previous yarn along posts. So what are you knitting and reading?

Stuffed Shells

2011-04-08T16:50:00.007-04:00

I roasted a chicken Thursday night. Upside down. No, it wasn't on purpose. I also tried to make pan gravy from the drippings. With RED wine (I figured wine is wine right? Wrong.) So my chicken, while it had a very moist breast and tasted pretty good considering I put all the herbs and butter on its underside, was a bit of a flop. And the gravy not only separated but was a very unappetizing purplish grey color. Sort of like the color of a 2 or 3 day old bruise. My husband, brave soul that he is, ate it anyway. It did taste OK, just looked awful. Why in the world do I try to cook things I don't usually cook on days when I am frazzled and my pregnant brain has clearly thrown in the towel?
*sigh*
So in an attempt to redeem myself, and because my lovely sister in law asked for my stuffed shells recipe, I am cooking one of my old standbys: stuffed shells. This is a recipe I can be reasonably sure will always turn out well. I don't even actually have a recipe for it in fact. I always just make it sort of the way my parents did. I loosely follow the recipe in The Joy of Cooking for simple cheese filling... but not really. Since I don't have a recipe I never do it exactly the same every time. That is to say, not the same proportions. I always use the same ingredients but sometimes I add more of one kind of cheese or another, or more onion etc. The finished product always turns out yummy and pretty much the same. I made it with no meat tonight since it is Friday but if I were to add meat I would season and brown some ground beef or turkey and add the tomato sauce to it and allow it to heat through. So this is how I did it this time:

Ingredients:
1 small onion chopped
2 cloves garlic minced or finely chopped
1 package (10 oz) frozen spinach
1 (or 2) tub (15 oz) ricotta *note* see below
about 24 oz shredded mozzarella cheese *note* see below
about 1/3 to 1/2 ricotta tub of parmesan cheese *note* see below
about 1 tablespoon Italian seasoning or combination of your choice of seasoning.
-I used about 1 teaspoon basil, 1 teaspoon parsley, 1/2 teaspoon oregano, and 1/2 teaspoon thyme
a small dash of nutmeg (start with just a little tiny bit)
1 box (12 oz) large pasta shells
1 egg
1 26 oz jar tomato sauce (could have used another 1/2 jar probably but it was all I had)
Olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375 F
Heat a large skillet and add olive oil, onions, and garlic. Cook until onions are just starting to turn translucent. Move the onions and garlic to the sides of the pan then add frozen spinach into the center and turn heat to low. Add salt and pepper. Leave it there for now.

In a big bowl combine ricotta and parmesan cheese and a heaping ricotta tub-ful of mozzarella (*you may want to double these proportions if you are not overly fond of spinach and don't mind having extra filling. More cheese is always good*), italian seasoning, and nutmeg. A note about the nutmeg: start with just a little bit and taste it, if you want more add a tiny bit more and taste again. Repeat until you have the amount you like. I only like just a very subtle hint of nutmeg so I only use a small dash or two.

Check on your spinach. if it is still a frozen block, turn it over and scrape the thawed spinach from the other side. I pretty much just keep doing this till it is all thawed then I cook it for a few more minutes till it just starts to darken and to evaporate any water from the thawing.

While the spinach is cooking start your water to boil to cook the pasta shells.
When the spinach is done just take it off the heat and leave it to cool before adding it to the cheese mixture.

Cook the pasta according to the directions on the box. When the spinach is cooled add it to the cheese and mix well. Taste and adjust seasoning as needed. I usually add a bit more salt at this point if I didn't salt the cheese yet but I made the spinach pretty salty this time so I didn't need it. Now add your egg to the cheese and spinach mixture and mix it in really well. You can make this without egg but the filling doesn't hold together in the shells quite as well. I add the egg last so I can taste the filling and see if it needs more seasoning.

Ok so your filling is ready to go, now about those shells... This is the part that gives me the most trouble and there is no really easy/foolproof way to get the shells cooled off enough to handle with out them all sticking together and ripping. I pretty much just accept that there will be casualties but I always seem to have enough shells in the end so I try not to let it bug me. Anyone have a good use for leftover ripped pasta shells? I have had better success in the past coating them with a little olive oil immediately after draining them but I didn't do that this time. I also was pretty frustrated with my sticky and shredded noodles this time. Anyway, when the shells are cool enough to handle, I use a large spoon (like a table spoon, not the measuring kind though) and spoon a rounded spoonful into each shell. I used to worry about not stuffing them enough and ended up with overstuffed shells and sometimes not enough filling left. So I try to stuff them full but not so full that they won't close together at the opening (does that make sense?). I should have probably taken pictures of this whole process but I had a very rambunctious 2 year old to attend to in the middle of all this and, well, lets face it, a bag of shredded mozzarella only keeps her occupied for so long. Then I sort of smush them all into my baking pan in one layer. In my case this was 2 stoneware oval baking dishes, one was 10 x 8 and one was 9 x 7 but I am sure a 13 x 9 pan would produce neater results. Then I pour my sauce over the top and cover with mozzarella and parmesan cheese. Put it in the middle of the oven and bake for about 40 min until it is bubbling and the cheese reaches your desired level of brown-ness. Voila! Satisfied husband and kiddo!

***A few notes about how I made it this time and how I would change it next time, or What I Think I Usually Do. After eating this last night (and it was yummy!), I realized that I usually about double the amount of cheese mixture in proportion to the spinach. The filling was a little heavy on the spinach which I like but my daughter is not so fond of. Also I had NO LEFTOVERS from the filling and I usually always have leftovers, from which I like to make egg, cheese, and spinach omelets. So next time I would double the cheese proportions but nothing else, maybe throw in a second egg to help it hold together more. Then you would have a bunch of leftover filling. Alternately you could halve the spinach and leave the cheese as it is but then you might not have quite enough filling. Bottom line: when it comes to pasta you can never have too much cheese. :)

New Design

2011-04-02T09:50:00.002-04:00

What do you think? I am playing around with Blogger templates and have settled on this one for now. Good? Bad? Just plain ugly?

*crickets*

I think I just saw a tumbleweed...

While I am at it.

2011-03-31T14:27:00.002-04:00

Since I have decided to crawl out of my first trimester hole and blog, I might as well tell you about a great giveaway going on over at Happy Little Homemaker. She is giving away a "Mind Organization for Mom's " package that sounds like it might be helpful for anyone who is like me and is almost the opposite of organized. :) So go check it out!

Well there you have it.

2011-03-31T10:15:00.002-04:00

See the ticker? :) So my good reasons for not posting boil down to nausea, exhaustion, and more nausea. At just over 12 weeks I am starting to get some energy back but the nausea is still hanging on strong. I debated posting this sooner but.... having had a miscarriage in the past, the idea of telling the world only to have to "untell" does not appeal to me. I even thought of waiting till I hit the 20 week mark to post about it. See, I also tend toward being superstitious. It's a remnant of my pre-conversion days for sure but I had a hard time shaking the feeling of "jinxing" this pregnancy by telling people. And then you read so many stories of women who have had miscarriages at 9, 14, 20, or even later weeks in pregnancy. It just scares me to read things like that even though our first pregnancy (and miscarriage) ended at 6 weeks... very early and possibly even a "chemical" pregnancy (whatever that means. Does anyone know?) Anyway, I anticipate being a more active blogger again when the constant feeling of 'I am going to throw up, RIGHT NOW' gets better.

I am still here, just not blogging right now.

2011-03-05T19:30:00.002-05:00

I know, I know. I said I was going to keep up with this blog, and I will. It's just that I have good reasons for not blogging right now. I will be again soon though, hopefully, so stay tuned.

Yarn Along

2011-02-09T13:02:00.002-05:00

Joining Ginny for another yarn along this week and this time she is hosting a giveaway as well! Go check out the yummy yarn that is up for grabs.
Still working on the teddy bear, as you can see. I am a little perturbed with myself because when I was knitting the leg on the right I didn't pay attention and added an extra knit row which should have been a K2tog around row... so that leg is one row longer and pointy-er than the other leg. I have to go rip it out and re-do it but don't feel like it at the moment, maybe I will go read instead. Still working on The Discipline Book as well, plus reading a little out of The Joy In Loving. It is kind of a perpetual calendar sort of book with each day of the year having its own page and a quote of hers. I really like it. Today's quote was "Once you know you have hurt someone be the first to say sorry. We cannot forgive unless we know that we need forgiveness, and forgiveness is the beginning of love." I am also reading a couple books I have read over again but maybe more on those another time.

Yarn Along

2011-02-02T11:46:00.002-05:00

Joining Ginny again for another yarn along. Knitting this adorable little teddy bear that my daughter asked for when we were looking through my patterns for a sweater to knit for her. Yarn is I Love This Cotton! from Hobby Lobby and I have to say I really like it. I don't normally knit with cotton because I find it somewhat limp and lifeless and mostly it just reminds me of dishrags when I am knitting with it. That said, I haven't knit with any cotton besides this and the ubiquitous Sugar and Cream or Peaches & Cream. This cotton is so nice and soft and actually feels like it has a modicum of bounce to the knitted fabric. I can't stop rubbing it on my face :)
Reading the Dr. Sears discipline book. Not that my little bear is unmanageable or anything but I find myself running out of tools to use with her as she matures and gets more clever ;) And I have a tendency to give in to frustration/irritation when disciplining if I am not very very careful so I am hoping to glean some more parenting tools/tips.

In Color

2011-01-31T15:58:00.007-05:00

I have been feeling the winter greys lately too. The time of year has come where the snow begins to make me feel weary instead of cozy. I am tired of donning multiple layers of winter clothes and jackets, tired of being inside so much, and tired of the monotony of white and grey and black when we do suit up and venture outside. So these are some of the little spots of color in my home which make me smile. Oh, and I am a cloth diaper geek. ;)
Visit Ginny for more colorful inspiration.

FO Friday

2011-01-28T14:22:00.006-05:00

Many of these are not really recent FO's. Sorry for this but I really want to document them somewhere other than Ravelry so that people who aren't on there can see them too. :)
First up we have some longies that I completed a couple months ago for a friend who bought the (scrumptious!) yarn and sent it to me to knit for her beautiful little girl. The first pic was taken right after I completed them... on our 9+ hour drive back to MI. The actual color is somewhere in between the two pictures.

Next we have 1 of 3 of these cute little beret's I made. All from sock yarn (less than a 400yd skein for anyone interested) and super easy quick knits. I made the largest size which was toddler. The pattern is here.
Next up, although not a knitting project, is one which I am very proud of. This is a child size doll carrier, similar to an adult Mei Tai (sp?) baby carrier. I am proud because a) I made up the pattern and b) I sewed it with no help and c) it actually came out pretty cute and my sewing wasn't as awful as I feared it would be either!

I do have a picture of my daughter wearing it (it was a Christmas gift for her cousin) somewhere but they are all blurry... want to see it anyway? Ok hang on...
And finally we have the 2 other beret's I recently finished (this one just this week, it was a birthday present for her cousin. If you are reading this Jen, don't let Dags see (: ). I loved the way this yarn knit up and was happy I had enough left from my sisters ankle socks to make the hat. Used every last scrap!
I originally made my mom some socks from this yarn, then made my niece a tiny pair but ran out on the second little sock so I bought another skein. Now it has been reincarnated into this hat and I still have at least 1/3 of the skein left (maybe 1/2?) so I am thinking of knitting some fingerless mitts or little socks for Bella Bear. Isn't she sweet? :)

Yarn Along

2011-01-26T12:56:00.005-05:00

Reading: the no-cry sleep solution for toddlers and preschoolers. Knitting: a clapotis out of sock yarn.

Now I have to say these are not colors I would pick for myself in a yarn but it was on clearance at Jo-ann Fabrics for a ridiculous price of $1.99 a skein. So I bought all four that were left. Hmmm what to do with some very ummmm... dramatic sock yarn? Well here you have it. I am thinking it might make a nice gift for someone who likes red and black.
On to the book. I checked this book out from the local library because my daughter has NEVER been a good sleeper. We are doing much better lately, in part because of this book and in part because she is much more settled in since we moved in November. Lately, though, she has been getting up ridiculously early (anyone else up at 4:45 this morning???) and it is kind of cramping my style. Sure I am not a morning person but I can handle 5:30, even 5:00 AM. But 4:45 holy moly! I think it started because she wanted to be up when my husband is up in the morning, but even he doesn't want to get out of bed before 5. In all seriousness, however, I am starting to get concerned that she is not getting enough sleep again since she is going to bed between 7 and 7:30 PM and only takes an average of a 1 and a half hour nap during the day. Anyway, I am open to any suggestions from anyone else who may have had this problem with their kids.
Now head over to small things for more Yarn Along fun (and a giveaway!)

Small Steps

2011-01-18T21:05:00.004-05:00

As a Christmas present to myself this year I got the kindle version of Small Steps for Catholic Moms on our Ipad. I have been reading it day by day, here and there, missing a lot of days but that is ok because as Elizabeth said: "It is a perpetual calendar". I was actually inspired in a roundabout way to write this post after reading the most recent post over at small things.
I have to say I found myself identifying with Ginny's post in a very deep and personal way. More than I usually identify with people whether in person or on the computer. So thank you Ginny for your beautiful post (and, as always, photography). I know how you feel, I really do, I could write those very same words myself. I read the entry for today in Small Steps last night and tried to remind myself over and over to exude joy to my daughter, to the world, but I didn't. I told myself to fake it, but I didn't. I got through the day and my house is cleaner but the day is now done and I can't have it back to do over. I wish I would have laughed with her more, played with her more, been more sensitive to her tender little feelings, not used the "n" word so much ('no'). But, tomorrow is another day and tomorrow I will, even if I have to fake it, I will be joyful. I also know what it is to look back on a childhood and feel anxiety, sadness, turmoil. I do not want this for my daughter or any other children God may bless us with. Tomorrow's entry would have me add more prayer time to our routine, and I might yet do that, but I think I will re-read today's entry in the morning as well and try harder to "Walk and talk and smile as if you have the joy of Jesus in your heart and soul." -Small Steps for Catholic Moms

Thank you Ginny, and thank you Elizabeth.

Giveaway over at small things

2011-01-17T09:27:00.004-05:00

***NOTE*** This is not my picture but a picture from the giveaway host's blog: small things.

There is a very sweet little tutorial and giveaway for a perfect little dolly over at small things.

Home made playdough

2011-01-13T13:18:00.005-05:00

*note* cashews and peanut butter DON'T go together (blech). Now back to your regularly scheduled post.

I have been meaning to post this for awhile now but haven't gotten around to it. My daughter and I (well mostly me but she did get to stir and dump in some of the ingredients) made our own playdough and it was lots of fun. We used 4 half packets of koolaid (no sugar) for the coloring and they had the added bonus of making the dough smell yummy. Just be warned it tastes nothing like it smells, although since it is homemade from normal stuff it probably won't hurt your little ones to sample it. If they are the adventurous sort they may even sample it more than once... or twice... or three times. I am not sure how many times it took before my little bear decided it didn't really taste very good after all, but eventually she stopped sampling it. This is the recipe I used:
Best Ever Playdough Recipe.

I don't remember if we doubled the recipe but now that I think about it I am pretty sure we did because I still have a lot of playdough in the back of the fridge and It seems like way more than 2 cups of flour's worth.

We mixed up all the dry ingredients and split them into four bowls of more or less equal amounts. Then we added a half packet of koolaid to each of the bowls. If you are the sort that has to measure everything exactly, well then I recommend you do so if you don't want to have to play around with the amounts. As it was, we had to add a little more flour to some and a little more water to others, but my little one just thought that made it all the more fun.

Then we boiled our water in a big glass measuring cup in the microwave (no I didn't let her help with this or with the playdough while it was hot. Oh wait, I let her stir a little... but I am sure it had cooled down at least some by then...) and poured 1/4 of it into each bowl. Sorry I didn't get better pictures of the whole process. I think it was the whole hot-liquid-within-less-than-an-arm's-reach-of-a-toddler thing that prevented me from doing so.

Then stir to form dough and when cool enough knead with your hands to get the texture smooth.

That's it! I don't necessarily think it is any cheaper than regular playdough (the cream of tarter tends to be expensive) but it is edible if your kids are prone to eating such things, and my daughter really enjoyed making it as much as she now enjoys playing with it. Scratch that, I think she liked making it MORE than she likes playing with it now.
Is there a smudge of purple on the corner of that little mouth? She certainly looks awfully pleased with herself doesn't she...

We keep ours in a big freezer bag in the back of the fridge. It has lasted 2 months so far although I did split the colors in half to keep some un-played with so that it would last longer. Also if it starts to get a little dry just spray it with a little water from a spray bottle, or add a few drops and work it in as you play with it. Also, the grape flavor came out greyish, not really purple, but my daughter didn't seem to mind. If you really must have purple I would try those neon food coloring drops in purple. The regular blue and red together make a greyish color as well.

New Year's Resolutions

2010-12-31T13:10:00.002-05:00

I don't usually do the whole new year resolution thing. The part of me that is jaded and cynical always pipes up and says "What's the point? You know you wont stick to them anyway, so why bother?" But this year I am just going to ignore that voice (or maybe stuff a sock in her mouth and shove her in a closet...) and make not just one, but several resolutions. Ok, so here goes (now where did I put that sock...)

1) Let go and let God- This needs to happen. All those little things that make me worried, anxious, upset, distracted, or over-controlling, I need to just let go of them and let God take care of them. This doesn't mean I get to stop doing laundry or dishes, nothing like that. It means I need to carefully prioritize everything, including housework, and do the task in front of me without hyperventilating, yelling, pouting, fretting, or freaking out about all of the other million and one things I have to do or think I should be doing. It means that when I walk into the kitchen to find that my toddler has drawn on the walls with a blue dry erase (or any variety really) marker I am not going to freak out and yell or show undue anger or frustration, but calmly take a breath, tell her no -we don't color on the walls, only on paper, and move on with the day without letting it color (no pun intended) the rest of the day with irritation. This is a big resolution but I think I can count on some help from Him with this one.

2) spend less time on the computer and more time on hobbies. My husband has a theory, after watching how frustrated/wound up/tweaked out little bear gets when she watches TV or plays with the Ipad, that media has the same effect on adults as well- we just don't realize it because we are generally in better control of our faculties and responses. Interesting thought and even if this isn't the case, I often look back at the end of the day and think "what the heck was I doing messing around on facebook for an hour after the little one went to bed? I should have been working on those socks I have been knitting..."

3) Implement a more structured routine for our days. This one is going to be tough. I am not really very good at this sort of thing because, if left to myself, I tend to just wander through the day from one thing to the next with no real planning or forethought. I have read "A Mother's Rule of Life" and, while I loved how structured and planned out all of her days were, I just wasn't able to do it all at once. I need to take baby steps, adding in maybe one piece of a routine a week, or month even. I tend to try and do things all at once and then immediately get discouraged and give up when it doesn't all go as planned right away. Hopefully if I incorporate new things into our days slowly I will have more success and not get so discouraged. The first thing I want to incorporate is a nightly prayer time with my husband, who is very resistant to this sort of thing. I think the night prayer of the Liturgy of the Hours might work well though. Wish me luck with this.

4)Stick to the no S diet. For good. Basically the diet is: no snacks, no sweets, no seconds, except on days that start with 'S' (Saturday, Sunday, and special days).

Well, that is it. No new year's resolutions for years and now I have 4. Wish me luck and say a prayer for me!

$7 well spent

2010-12-29T21:57:00.003-05:00

I bought a breadmaker at the Goodwill this past weekend. The lady at the store couldn't tell me if it worked or not (or even if they tested these sorts of things) but said I could return it if it didn't. So I took a chance and bought it. After it's trial run tonight I am the pleased consumer of one very easily made loaf of homemade bread. I have made bread from scratch many times in the past but never so quickly and effortlessly. I literally dumped everything into the pan in the order set out in this book and turned the machine to the "basic meduim" setting. 3 hours later and we have a beautiful little loaf that tastes great and best of all required no kneading, babysitting, or other fussing from me, yay!

Need some inspiration today?

2010-12-29T15:15:00.003-05:00

Go read this.
Or any of her posts. Some days when I read her blog I feel worse about myself and my lack of organization and routine and vision. Some days I feel much much better.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-26T16:15:00.003-05:00

That's right, it is STILL Christmas! We Catholics get to celebrate Christmas until Candlemas if we want to, and I certainly do! So let the holiday festivities continue and I hope everyone has had a blessed Christmas so far and will continue into the New Year.

To sleep, perchance, to..... sleep?

2010-12-16T08:01:00.003-05:00

Ok so my sweet little bear has never been a good sleeper. Not since the second week after she was born has she been restful. She didn't sleep through the night until she was about 14 months old and still doesn't about 70% of the time. Normally (at almost 21 months) she wakes up about once a night, in the middle of the night usually, and falls back asleep within anywhere from minutes to 2 or 3 hours. She didn't start taking naps that lasted more than 30min until almost a year old. So yesterday, when she took a 2+ hour nap, my suspicions were immediately raised. I said to my husband yesterday: "she took a long nap today, something is up. Either she is going to get more teeth or she is going to get sick." You see, I am pretty sure when she does that (takes a long nap) it is because she is getting ready for a marathon of sleeplessness, usually because she is either sick or teething. Teething, especially, has been excruciatingly slow and painful for her. :( My husband simply laughed at me and said something like: "you mean she sleeps really good right before she doesn't sleep?"
Ha. Ha. very funny.
Last night she didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a stretch (in fact 2 hours is a stretch...) Somebody say a prayer for me. And for little bear too.
I think I might go and read Simcha's post on the 5 stages of exhaustion again.

I drive myself crazy

2010-12-15T13:56:00.005-05:00

about many things. About the house not being clean, about dinner not being gourmet, about how I forgot to brush little bear's teeth yesterday morning, and the day before that..., about how much clutter there is on my bathroom counter right now (seriously, you can wash your hands but that is about it), about what the maintenance guy is going to think when (IF!!!!) he ever gets here to fix the gas leak in our stove (that's right people GAS LEAK!!! since we moved in. NOT fixed yet. but that brand of paranoia is a topic for another day.) About how much money we spend at the stupid walmart when we were waiting for 3 stupid hours to get stupid tires on my husband's car so he wouldn't die on the stupid blizzard covered road. I digress... where was I again? Oh yeah driving myself crazy. Ahem. Anyway, I worry because I only have ONE kid and I am not so good at this housekeeping/homemaking thing. I want everything to be perfect, for her, for my husband, for guests, for me too. I want to bake an apple pie every weekend and cook a 3 course breakfast every morning. I want to vacuum every day and mop at least once a week. I want to spend hours and hours playing with my little girl and thinking of new, creative, inventive, and fun things to do with her to both stimulate her development and keep her entertained. I want my husband to come home every night to soft music playing, candles, a delicious meal and, a blissfully calm and sweet little almost-2-year-old who will be happy to sit on his lap while he relaxes from his stressful day. Meanwhile I am supposed to be ever smiling, peaceful and calm, happy to bask in the glow of my clean house and contented family. Yeah, right, whatever. It doesn't happen people. Not by a long shot. Most of the time I am relieved if the toilet gets cleaned approximately once a week, my daughter is not screaming when my husband walks in the door, and our house doesn't smell like the cat box (don't get a cat, they poop in a box in your house, they scratch walls, and they puke all. the. time. We have 2.)
Anyway, I am rambling too much when really the whole point of this post was to share with you all something I read today. It goes kind of like this:
"

The quote that I thought applied to my knitting said: "As the Amish make their prized quilts with an intentional flaw, a flaw must be woven in to remind us that only God is perfect."

Did you just read that?

An intentional flaw! Because only God is perfect!

Oh, did I need to read that!"

WOW. I really needed to read that today. First I cried, then I smiled. Do you know what this means? I am not meant to be perfect. I am not GOD and I will never be perfect, or do anything perfectly. This doesn't mean I don't have to at least try to be better, to be the best version of myself possible, or to be the person God wants me to be. But it means I can cut myself a little slack sometimes. What a relief. Now if I can just remember this the next time my inner grumpy obsessive compulsive control freak rears it's ugly head.

Bad Parenting Tip #1

2010-12-10T19:17:00.003-05:00

If you decide, against your better judgement, to let your 20 month old "play gaaaymes" on your ipad so you can spiff up your blog and/or read other blogs and/or start dinner: you will probably regret it later. Oh and your husband will ask you, when he gets home from a long day and a long drive, wishing only to relax; but instead greeted by a hungry, overstimulated, frustrated, and tired little person asking Daddy for "UP-A-SIDE-OWN!", "up-in-ee-aayer!", "plaay gaaaaymes!", "wach junguh book!" (upside down, up in the air, play games, and watch jungle book)... "what happened to this child?"
To which you will answer: "Uh, I let her 'play games'."
Nevermind that dinner wasn't even done when he got home. But wait it gets worse. I made spaghetti.

Back! ...maybe...

2010-12-10T13:55:00.003-05:00

Things need to be dusted off and cleaned up around here! I am thinking about doing just that and starting to blog again. I am feeling particularly inspired lately. Not because I have all of this wonderful wisdom to share but because, well, I don't.
You see, I like reading blogs about people who are normal, people who are like me. People that lose their patience, yell at people sometimes, get distracted and frustrated, don't vacuum or dust or clean their toilet every day (or even once a week at times... come to think of it when did I last dust anyway...) who struggle with meal planning and shopping trips with a little one (or more... gosh I only have one, how do some of you other women do it?), can't always think of fun/educational/engaging things to do with a toddler and subsequently turn on (insert your media of choice here, Raffi and Super Why are favorites around here), who want to be a whole lot better than they really are and are painfully and slowly trying to make their way toward heaven.
I also have been going through somewhat of a tough spot lately and reading other mother's blogs about how they sometimes lose it or have awful days has really helped me get through it. Well, that and the grace of God... So here it is, my own little imperfect corner of the web. I hope it helps someone else, if only by letting you know you are not alone.

FO Friday

2010-05-28T14:46:00.006-04:00

Longies finally done!

Musings

2010-05-08T22:18:00.002-04:00

I was thinking today about how flowers are testament to the existence of God. Such living beauty, existing for no other reason than to be beautiful, can only come from a perfect and perfectly loving being. Perhaps, even, they exist as a tiny reflection of He who created them, for surely their scientific purposes could have been served in a much simpler, plainer, and more energy efficient manner. No, I think they grow and live and exist in exultation of His glory and goodness and beauty, turning their faces toward heaven as if singing "Glory, Glory, Glory!", silently shouting of His most wonderful grace. To be such a flower, a fingerprint of The One Most High, existing only to please him, must be a wonderful existence indeed.

FO Friday

2010-04-23T08:25:00.001-04:00

My latest Finished Objects!
Not much here because I haven't had much time to knit.
First we have a little cell phone cozy which was conjured up to use a small sample of lovely BFL spinning fiber that came with a drop spindle I received as a Christmas gift.

Next we have a little sweater I made for a friend who just recently had a baby. It is a little large (this is an understatement). You can see it being modeled here by my lovely little amazon of a 1 year old. She is off the growth charts for weight and height so I am thinking this should fit the little guy next year... or maybe the year after! :)

Spring

2010-04-15T08:22:00.006-04:00

Is here!And so are my new cloth diapers!!
The happy recipient (no action shots yet :( )

WIP Wednesday

2010-04-14T19:35:00.005-04:00

So here are some projects I am currently working on:
First up in the spinning department is some lovely purple variegated wool that is destined to be my first pair of homespun socks.
Next we have some 100% silk on the drop spindle my sister got me for Christmas.For knitting we have: Baby Yeti
Some generic man-sized socks
And another little project I hope to feature on my FO friday post this week but it is a surprise for a friend so pictures later.

Back...

2010-04-08T12:17:00.002-04:00

After my lenten hiatus from the interwebs. Look for more crafty stuff coming up soon!! ;)

MROL book study week 6

2010-02-11T07:08:00.003-05:00

This week's topic was the fifth "P", provider. This is one of the areas I have totally reevaluated in the last few months and continue to assess. Since I began to stay at home full time I have realized a lot of things about being a good steward of our family resources. The biggest thing I have had to overhaul is how we spend our money, especially since there isn't much of that coming in lately. We pretty much went from spending whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, to being on a pretty tight budget. Curiously enough I have found this to be less restrictive than I thought it would be. It feels more like a challenge than a hardship, if that makes any sense, and I actually kind of enjoy trying to figure out how to best spend the money we have budgeted for various things. This chapter goes far beyond simply living within your means, however. I also find I am thinking more about how to be a good steward of the physical resources around me, turning down the heat if we are going to be out all day, turning off lights in rooms we aren't using, cooking with the idea of creating as little waste as possible and trying to find creative ways to use up little bits leftover from meal preparation. Recently my thoughts have been turning to spring and planting a garden. I hope we are able to plant some fruit and vegetables this year which would help with the food budget. I have even considered going back to cloth diapers but haven't gotten around to that yet. I keep thinking of the last time we put a cloth diaper on DD after she hadn't been in them for awhile. She cried and cried till we took it off and it was barely wet... I think I will save that experiment for a day when I am feeling particularly patient. The biggest thing I have gained from this chapter is realizing that we don't need to be good stewards simply because it is the most efficient way of doing things, but because we are called to do so. Next on my list is to put our living space in order and give everything its own spot or "home" so that everything has a specific place. I am not sure if this will happen slowly, as an evolution, or if I will simply have to just do it in the space of a few days one weekend. I will let you know how it goes.

FO Friday

2010-02-05T08:00:00.004-05:00

Well, with all the moving and whatnot, I don't have many Finished Objects to post today but I have two. One I just finished this morning! The first is a dress I started way back in June and gave to my niece for her birthday. It is still a little big yet, hopefully it fits her well this summer.

The second is this hat which I just finished:
I liked the pattern so much I made one for DH too (the other one went to my dad). Best of all I didn't have to buy new yarn, I just used the leftover yarn from the first hat. I am hoping I have enough left over to make a short pair of matching(ish) fingerless gloves for DH.

MROL book study week 4

2010-02-01T08:03:00.003-05:00

Well I am a little behind due to all the moving and general busyness around here but I am still following along with this book study. Since I am behind I am going to post on last week's topic, the third "P", partner. What I am taking away from this chapter is the need to really LISTEN to my husband and not enter a conversation with preconceived notions about what he is thinking/feeling. I also am trying to do more things for him and for our marriage and not focus so much on myself. This includes penciling him and his activities into my master schedule (which is an ongoing work in progress) as well as allowing for flexibility so that I don't get irritated when things get off schedule. Also I am striving to make myself more... available (shall we say?) to him on a more regular basis. For more on this topic and the next topic -parent click the picture to go to Jen's (the hostess) blog.

Book Study -Mothers Rule of Life- Week 2

2010-01-09T08:06:00.003-05:00

This week is all about Prayer. Daily prayer is something I usually strive for but I never sat down and thought about it in such a way that I would actually schedule it into my day. I have been doing this for the last several days now and it really helps! I scheduled 3 prayer times, morning offering (when I first get up, after showering), afternoon spiritual reading/reflection (varies according to the litttle one's naptime), and evening (post bathtime family Rosary). When I was pregnant with DD I used to pray every day upon rising and every night before bed and I am realizing how much I not only miss it, but actually need it to be the kind of person I want to be (and God wants me to be) throughout the day. I also find myself saying other little prayers and raising my heart and mind to God more often during the day when I do this. This reminds me of a series of posts over at Conversion Diary all about prayer and having hard stops throughout the day. Jen over at Happy Little Homemaker has also posted a link to a Mothers Liturgy of the Hours. Pretty neat! I haven't done anything else yet as far as making a schedule for other areas of my life although I have read the next chapter. With all honesty I really think that will have to wait till after we move and get settled since life is pretty focused on getting packed and ready for next Friday when we get the moving truck. Maybe not, I will keep reading, but things are pretty chaotic around here lately.

FO Friday

2010-01-08T08:11:00.005-05:00

Well I have some Finished Objects to post from all the Christmas knitting I did. Mostly I knitted felted slippers for as many people as I could. I also knitted a hat for my father which didn't make it to him yet but will very very soon.

Book study -A Mothers Rule of Life

2010-01-07T09:20:00.003-05:00

Hosted over at Happy Little Homemaker!

I started this book last night (a little late but better late than never!) WOW! That is all I can say, wow! I have needed to read something like this for a long time and I wish I would have even when I was working, it would have helped in so many ways. Anyway, I will try post on this every weekend (with the exception of the move weekend) in line with the schedule over at Happy Little Homemaker. I am a week behind but I will post for the first two weeks on Saturday.

WIP Wednesday

2010-01-06T08:26:00.005-05:00

Well, I do have some knitting Works In Progress but no good pic's so I will post some spinning instead this week. I just got my new spinning wheel at the end of November and have been trying to scratch out some time here and there to learn and play with it. I spun a bit of Corriedale wool at first before I really could sit down and seriously start learning and it was lovely! I still love my spindles but, oh my! The wheel is so much faster and more relaxing. :) So here are all my current spinning projects:

First we have my spinning wheel project, 7 oz of Humbug BFL

Soft and lovely to spin, here is a closeup of the singles on the bobbinNext are my spindling projects, the first is some merino bamboo blend I got from Fat Cat Knits a looong time ago that I have been plugging away at, aiming for laceweight two ply so I can make an Ice Queen

The next is the Corriedale I have been spinning on my spindle but also tried a little on the wheel. These are slated to become some striped longies or maybe just pants, who knows by the time I am done with them how old miss Belle will be.

Well that is it for my spinning, I really need to take stock of my knitting and get it under control soon, my UFO (unfinished object) list is starting to get ridiculously long. Maybe I should start trying to finish one a month or something...

When a woman is not in the mood.

2009-12-31T21:47:00.003-05:00

I caught this over at our parish website when I was looking for mass times for tomorrow. I think I will renew an old resolution this year. Here is the LINK.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T14:54:00.004-05:00

"Blessed are we who celebrate this day as the greatest discovery of all time- the discovery that God, for whom we groped in the darkness, has pierced the darkness with his humanity and has found us. May all who have walked in darkness today welcome the light: Jesus Christ, Emmanuel" -from the Magnificat Advent Companion 2009

I hope everyone is blessed enough to be too busy to read this post today!

Good post over at Happy Little Homemaker

2009-11-29T06:43:00.002-05:00

Catholic prayers.

Knowing God's will

2009-11-23T06:21:00.004-05:00

Don't you just wish there was an instruction manual for life sometimes? I know I do! My husband and I have been struggling with what we should do about our situation for the last few months. Our situation is this: I am working, he hasn't been able to find work since he graduated in May and passed the BAR exam in July (results came in September) and we have a wonderful little high-needs (to borrow the Dr. Sears term) 8 month old daughter. Our goal when we got married was to have me stay home when we had small children and raise them while he supported the family. The economy being what it is right now, his job prospects aren't looking so good. He has literally sent out dozens and dozens of applications and not a single interview even. I have been praying and praying that he would get a job, even an interview, so that we could make the transition that we need to make, and praying for a sign of what we are supposed to do. It hasn't been good for our relationship for me to be the breadwinner right now and our daughter is starting a separation anxiety phase which is magnified because she is such an intense little thing and it seems to center around me. So we made a decision on Friday. We are moving home to live with family and will have to weather a period of uncertain income in order to make our goal of me being a stay at home mom a reality. The hardest thing about this decision has been that I just kept expecting some sort of 'sign' to appear. You know, a billboard saying "Happiness and security- 1 mile exit to the right" or something of that nature. But maybe sometimes the absence of a sign is enough of a nudge in the right direction. For example: I like my job, it is challenging enough to be interesting without being overwhelming and it is pretty fast paced (well, for the world of nursing anyway), however, lately it has been getting harder and harder for me to go to work and not feel overwhelmed by it. Things that shouldn't bother me do and it is getting harder and harder for me to leave my precious little girl in the morning when all she wants is her mama. It's like when we try to proceed in the direction of my job, me working and him staying home, it gets harder and harder with each step. But when we started thinking about moving home, things didn't exactly fall into place but it seemed like a way opened up for us. It hasn't been clear as day that this is the right choice for us but... It's like the days when you would call someone (before everyone had answering machines) and the phone would just ring and ring. At some point you just had to hang up and move on, call someone else, or whatever. It feels like we have just been waiting on the line forever and nobody is picking up, and maybe that is a clear enough sign to just move on. Jen over at Conversion Diary has written a lot of good posts about knowing God's will also and I have gotten immense insight from reading them. Does anyone else have any thoughts about this subject?

7 Quick Takes Friday

2009-11-06T06:57:00.004-05:00

1.

I always hated getting up early in the morning when I was a kid. Lately I find that I am enjoying it more and more. It is hard to get a moment to myself during the day because when I am home I am trying to spend as much time as possible with DH and the little one. I work 3 days a week and have to take call on most of the afternoons I am off so time is at a premium for me. I find that getting up early is the only hope I have of finishing knitting projects and almost the only time I can get on the computer without it interfering with my parenting/wifely duties.

2.

I am really making an effort to try and fill the role of a stay at home mom whenever I am home. It is tough sometimes when I get home from work in the evening to resume that role since I am tired and drained from working and dealing with other people all day but someday (hopefully not too far off) that will be my role. Anyway it should always be my first priority even if I have to remain working for a while longer.

3.

I am getting super excited to go back to Michigan for a visit with family next week! We are going to have an early Thanksgiving at my mom's house with my little brother who I haven't seen in a long time.

4.

I want a spinning wheel. It has started to consume my mind lately. This one in particular:

The only thing I am worried about is if I will have a steep learning curve. I am getting pretty good at using my drop spindle but I haven't ever spun yarn on a wheel, except once at my aunt's house when I was very new to spinning and I found it difficult at that time.

4.

I am feeling antsy lately. I feel like we are on the brink of change just waiting to fall. DH has been trying really hard to find a job and we are praying that one of the ones he has applied for will hire him. Otherwise we have a couple backup plans but things might be really tough for a while if/when we have to implement them.

5.

Recent finished objects: Baby cardigan for a friend:

This was a nice knit I could do anywhere or anytime and didn't have to think too much. It is a seamless, top-down sweater with DK weight yarn on #2 needles. Pattern here and yarn here

6.

I need an eggless pumpkin pie recipe. Anyone?

7.

I am liking daylight savings this year, now that I am getting up early it is nice to see the sunrise in the morning. Of course I will probably hate it when spring comes and we lose an hour.

WIP Wednesday

2009-10-21T21:40:00.002-04:00

Well, I dont have any good pic's to post this time for my Works In Progress Wednesday but I will tell you about them anyway. I am still plugging (slowly) away on my mom's scarf and I keep thinking I want to make one for myself, that artyarn's silk is scrumptious! There is a yellow/green baby hat that has been plaguing me forever and is slowly getting close to being done. Note to self: no more fingering weight merino on my #4 size Knitpicks harmony interchangable needles, too sticky and frustrating! Then there is a big pink garter stitch bulky Alpaca/wool cowl for me and a pair of 2 at a time socks on #2 circ needles that I have just barely started. A pink hat for Bella that she has been wearing despite the fact I have not put ties on the earflaps yet. And in the spinning department I am working on some red, green, and tan colored Corriedale yarn. I am making some of it with the colors in solid stripes and some of it with the three colors plied together in various combinations to coordinate. I hope to make Isabelle a pair of cute Christmasy longies out of it. And finally in the planning stages are: a pair of longies for Isabelle out of some SoHo thick and thin yarn, slippers for Christmas presents and, scarves, socks and hats for Christmas presents. What are you working on right now?

Redecorated for Fall

2009-10-17T09:45:00.001-04:00

Orange, brown, green and dark purple. Reminds me of fall leaves, Halloween, thanksgiving, and pumpkins. Yay!

7 Quick Takes Friday

2009-10-16T23:00:00.002-04:00

--1--

Hurrah! My first time participating in 7 quick takes hosted by the lovely Jen over at Conversion Diary. I really like the idea and have just been too busy/lazy to do it in the past. Of course there is nothing to say that I won't revert to that state busy/lazy but, hey, I am trying.

--2--

Speaking of Friday, I am sooo glad it is Friday and what is more I am not on call for work this weekend. It is so nice to have a job that does not require me to work weekends most of the time. It is also nice to have a job (as a nurse) that is a regular 8 hour daytime shift instead of crazy 12 hour evening, midnight, whatever shifts.

--3--

PIE. I like making it. I like eating it. Currently on the menu is apple since they are in season. I just need to find a recipe for pumpkin that does not include eggs. Anyone have any ideas?

--4--

Since we are on the topic of eating. I can't tell if this recent baked goods craze is related to the weather changing and getting colder, or my stress level. Either way I am not worried since breastfeeding seems to be keeping the pounds off for now.

--5--

STRESS. Now, I am sure my stress level is laughable compared to some people's but nevertheless it is present and difficult to deal with at times lately. My husband is having a hard time finding work so we are living on my part time income. Our goal is for me to be home with the little one while he works but it doesn't seem to be working out that way for us right now. Any prayers directed in our general direction would be most welcome as we are trying to discern God's will for our life right now.

--6--

My husband is a wonderful man. Enough said.

--7--

I have almost completely switched from wanting to shop for clothing for ME, to wanting to shop for clothing for my daughter. For one thing she doesn't need to try things on, if something is too big she can grow into it and it is a good thing (for me this would not be the case), price tags are nicer on little one's clothing (well for the most part), and baby clothes are just so stinkin cute!

Cozy Morning

2009-10-12T09:08:00.002-04:00

Snow outside my window

Homemade cherry pie and warm tea for breakfast

Sleeping angel.

Knitting Progress

2009-09-30T21:01:00.003-04:00

First is the baby cardigan I have been working on for a friend who just had a baby.

And next is the yummy 100% silk scarf I have been working on for my mom. It is so soft and lovely!

Well that is all for today, I have some spinning projects in the works but no pictures good enough to post and a couple other knitting projects that I have not made much headway on.

Recipe: gluten and corn free rice krispie treats

2009-09-30T12:41:00.003-04:00

Why gluten and corn free? Because my darling daughter has some food allergies and corn happens to be one of the offending characters. It only happens to be gluten free by chance. You could also make it dairy free by omitting the butter and substituting 1/4 cup of sunflower butter (or nut butter of your choice). Oh, and yes, my daughter is only 6 months old and as of yet is not eating much in the way of solid food, however, whatever I eat gets into my breastmilk and can potentially cause her problems. So I have been on (and off) an allergy elimination diet since she was about 2 1/2 months old. Not much fun for me but very helpful for her. Anyway, here is the recipe:

1 cup sugar
1 cup brown rice syrup
1 and 1/4 cup sunflower seed butter
1/4 cup butter (if not using butter add another 1/4 cup of sunflower seed butter)
about 5 cups puffed rice or other rice cereal (if you are trying to eliminate corn make sure to read the ingredient list, rice krispies have corn syrup in them)
vanilla to taste

Butter (or use oil if not doing dairy) a 9x13 baking dish
Combine sugar and rice syrup in a pan and boil
Once boiling add sunflower seed butter, butter and vanilla and stir until well combined
remove from heat and add the cereal, mixing until the cereal is well coated
press into the baking dish with a spatula or buttered fingers (it will be sticky) and let cool
cut into bars and serve!

I wish I would have taken a picture of these but I ate them before I thought about it. :)

Merger

2009-09-20T15:51:00.002-04:00

I am going to start posting my knitting projects and all craft related things here. I simply don't post enough to justify having different blogs for different things so there you have it! :)

I feel like a groundhog on February 2nd...

2009-09-10T22:32:00.002-04:00

Poking my head out of the hole I have temporarily disappeared into. I looked around long enough to read this post. It is a wonderful reminder to me of what I need to be doing with my life and to keep letting go (ok dragging them out kicking and screaming) of my bad habits. If I have time I will post more on this subject but if not... well there is a just-over-two-feet-tall person who needs me more than this blog. :)

Its been awhile

2009-07-31T07:37:00.001-04:00

...so to start brushing off all the dust here is an article worth reading.

http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2009/jul/09072902.html

What we've been up to..

2009-06-20T07:09:00.002-04:00

Studying (him) and taking care of the little one (mostly me). Not much time for blogging unfortunately but soon there will be more time... hopefully. :)

In no particular order

2009-05-12T10:17:00.003-04:00

I am going to start posting things I am learning as I go about being a mom. They will be, as the title of this post says, in no particular order.

Last night it dawned on me, after a conversation with my husband, that motherhood is going to take much more planning than I originally thought. Actually I should say more than I ever conceived because I never really thought about it. I figured it was as simple as: 1) have baby 2)love baby (and feed, clothe, diaper, etc.) 3)put baby down for a nap 4) clean house while baby is sleeping and/or happily entertained by a hanging mobile/toy bar. Enter reality. This baby needs my (or someones) full and undivided attention most of the day and when she does nap chances are I am so tired from getting up in the middle of the night and attending to her that I probably need one too.

So lesson number one: plan your day and keep a fairly consistent routine (i.e. bedtime which has not been consistent for us... I will let you know how that goes...) Then if things get off track you at least had a plan so you can say "look how well my day was supposed to go!" :) But seriously, I hope by planning my day to be less frustrated at the end of it when I look back and go: "where did all that time go and oh my gosh I didnt get anything done." Which ties in nicely with my next post which will be about setting SMALLER goals.

Ponderings

2009-05-03T15:53:00.002-04:00

Well, for only the second time in 6 weeks, we have our apartment to ourselves and I can't deny feeling a little relieved. As much as I love to have family visit, I do feel the need to take some time and reflect on life (and there is a lot to reflect on!) For starters being a mom is harder than I thought. I thought I was prepared for how demanding it would be, after all, I have been a nurse for almost 6 years and I am accustomed to taking care of other people. One thing I didn't take into account: at the end of the shift, whether it was 8 or 12 hours, I got to go home and unwind. I got to relax and try and process or forget about my day depending on how draining it was. Enter the crying baby: there is no end of the shift here. Still, you forget about how tired you are the moment she wakes up without crying and peers intently into your eyes, just like you forget how hard and long the labor was and how uncomfortable the pregnancy was the moment you get your hands on her after she is born. I still am struggling with anxiety and worry but I am trying to let go and let God take care of all of those things I have no control over but which terrify me. I pray for the ability to follow his will and relinquish my fear and worry. I really should be doing it more often though (praying). It is harder to make time for it when there is no routine but I really need to. Daily prayer throughout the last half of my pregnancy got me through every doctor appointment and even the day we were told, unexpectedly, that we had to go to the hospital to be induced. Hmm lots to ponder and process still. Hopefully I can make enough sense of things and get enough clarity to write about it more clearly in my next post.

She's here and a week old already!

2009-03-29T09:52:00.003-04:00

Isabelle was born March 22nd at 2:24 AM after a very long labor. I was induced a month early for preeclampsia and we have been so blessed that she is doing very very well! It took me, on the other hand, a little more time to recover although hopefully I will start to regain some energy soon.

Update

2009-03-04T09:21:00.002-05:00

Well we went in to the perinatal clinic yesterday and everything checked out ok so they said I can go ahead and ignore my frequent BH contractions. It was quite a relief. They did a fetal fibronectin test which they said, if it was negative, is a good indicator that you won't go into labor anytime in the next 1 to 2 weeks. It was negative so we were happy. The alternative would have been some very unpleasant drugs if I was actually in preterm labor, which may even have been somewhat dangerous for me to take, not to mention who knows what effect they would have on the baby. Anyway, thank you again for the prayers. We continue to be blessed throughout this pregnancy and we are so thankful.

If you read this...

2009-03-03T10:58:00.002-05:00

Please say a prayer for us. I have been having a lot of contractions last night and this morning, up to 8 per hour. We are trying to decide whether to go in or not since they don't really follow a pattern and I am nervous since we are only just past the 33 week mark. For now I am in bed and trying to drink lots of fluids but if they don't calm down in an hour or so we may be heading to the doctor.

30 week update

2009-02-10T15:12:00.003-05:00

Well we have about 10 weeks to go till my due date and I am feeling a bit unprepared. I am having a strong urge to nest but things have been so busy around here lately I haven't had time to get all the things done that I want to get done. There are drawers to empty out and organize (so they can be filled with baby clothes!), clothes to put into storage, clutter to be cleaned out, and lots of general cleaning to do. I am hoping to get more of it done this week and next week.
In other news we got another good report at the Dr.'s office today. The baby still looks healthy and got good results on her non stress test and biophysical profile. Also the tumor seems to have stabilized and doesn't seem to be growing a whole lot. We are so thankful that our prayers are being heard and we continue to pray for good results for the rest of the pregnancy and delivery.

28 week appointment

2009-01-26T13:12:00.002-05:00

We got wonderful news today at the doctor's office. All of the baby's measurements are within normal range and the high pressure measurement from last time may have simply been an inaccurate reading due to the baby moving around so much. Anyway that means we go back in two weeks as usual for another checkup. The doctor even said that our baby's fetal monitor strip was one of the best ones she has seen for this gestational age.

27 week appointment and update

2009-01-20T10:55:00.002-05:00

We had our ultrasound and appointment with the perinatologist yesterday and, although things are still looking normal, the doctor was a little concerned that the blood flow in the baby's brain was trending up at a faster rate than normal. This means we have to go back next week for another ultrasound and a biophysical profile. We are praying so hard that things will still be normal. When we asked what happens if the trend continues upward too quickly she mentioned betamethasone shots. That means premature delivery. :( She said if that happens we will hope to try and make it to at least 32 weeks and preferrably at least 34 weeks. It seems like such a long way away... Please pray that things will level out and the baby will continue to measure in normal limits.

Update

2009-01-13T13:48:00.002-05:00

So as of last Wednesday, everything was looking fine with the baby and the growth on my placenta hadn't gotten significantly larger, which was very good news. We continue to pray for a safe and healthy pregnancy and birth for this little one without further complications. I passed the 26 week mark on Sunday and I can't wait until we get to the 28 week mark so I can breathe a little easier.
In other pregnancy related news, our childbirth classes are going well so far. We are taking Bradley Method childbirth classes and I really like it. They focus on preparing for birth the way you would prepare for a marathon or other such intensely physical event, which makes sense. Right now I am trying to focus mostly on increasing my activity level and on my diet, especially eating more protein and green vegetables. Things kind of went crazy over the holidays and I found myself eating a lot of sugary foods and the more I eat sugar the more I want sugar, a vicious cycle. So today I was checking my email and I saw an email with a link to this in my inbox. How cool is that? It's just what I needed to get back on track planning meals, which really helps in the healthy eating department. I find when I don't meal plan I just grab what ever is easiest/quickest and that doesn't translate into the most nutritious food most of the time.
Otherwise things have been good if a bit stressful. I have started knitting things for the baby and I sometimes wish I had a few extra pairs of hands so I could knit more than one thing at a time! I have finished another flannel diaper which came out much better than the last one, and I got a bunch of receiving blankets on sale for $4.98 for a 4-pack at Target. I have read that they make good flat fold diapers and the prints are so cute and girly. I think I am starting to lose some of the energy boost I got in the beginning of my second trimester. I am finding myself wishing for a nap in the afternoon at work lately. So that's the update, thank you to those of you who have said prayers for us and please continue to pray that we will have a healthy happy outcome with this pregnancy.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T14:46:00.002-05:00

Please Pray

2008-12-24T06:50:00.004-05:00

We are headed off to the perinatologist this morning for a follow up ultrasound. They saw a mass on my placenta last Wednesday and we are praying that the baby is and will be ok. More after we get back from the appointment.

**Update**
Well we got some good news and I am so thankful to God and our Blessed Mother for that. The tumor on my placenta (it's a chorioangioma) hasn't gotten any bigger in the last week and is just on the borderline of of being a size that can cause major complications. The baby looks normal, all the measurements look good, the heart and brain are normal, and baby is growing well. I am so relieved! Now we just need to keep praying that the tumor won't get bigger/cause problems for the baby. We also found out it is a little girl! I was very surprised at first since from the beginning of my pregnancy I "felt" like it was a boy. Now we just need to pick out a girl name.

The Immaculate Conception

2008-12-08T09:25:00.002-05:00

A new hobby

2008-12-05T22:20:00.003-05:00

Sewing! Well, sewing diapers and covers to be exact. Now that I am working part time I have more time (and energy!) to get ready for the baby. Here are my latest accomplishments.
These took me a LONG time to make but I am encouraged by the results. Hopefully as I get better at sewing it will get faster. Aren't they cute!?

Product review and free stuff!

2008-11-23T15:24:00.001-05:00

Hop on over to Jen's blog and check it out!

First week

2008-11-11T09:00:00.002-05:00

So what's new? Well I am 17 weeks and 2 days today and feeling much better. The nausea has mostly subsided and I have a little more energy these days. Also for the first time, as of this week, I am working part time, on purpose, and not because I have other obligations such as school, etc. I am working only 3 days a week and to be honest it feels a little weird. As someone who has either worked full time for the last 5 years or so and who always was trying to fit work in anytime I could when I was in school it feels a little strange to have this sudden... freedom. Not that I have nothing to do, there are things to be done, housework, preparation for the baby, projects to finish... Just the knowledge that I can make my own schedule is kind of wonderful and frightening at the same time. Sometimes I think it is a little crazy and selfish of me to take this time when the economy is in such dire straits. Money is certainly going to be tight around here for quite awhile. On the other hand, I didn't realize how exhausting it would be for me to continue to work full time while pregnant. It isn't that I can't do it, it's just that at the end of the day I rarely have any energy leftover for the things in my life that are really important: my husband, my home, prayer, and my personal well being and health. Well anyway, it seems like this post has started to ramble a bit so to spare anyone my long winded musings I think I will leave it at this. Trim the sails me hearty! We are off into uncharted waters.

I am still here

2008-10-07T10:30:00.002-04:00

Still sick all day every day, still throwing up every couple days or so, but still here. This has been much more difficult to handle than I thought it would. God is truly testing me and I don't think I am passing most of the time. I am s-l-o-w-l-y learning to place my trust in Him, however, since so much of what is happening to my body is completely out of my control and the realm of my experience. For example: I always used to say that I just "don't throw up". I hate it so much that I refuse to do it, I won't let myself, etc. etc. I used to believe that it was simply a mind over matter type of thing. I even sometimes thought that people who throw up when they get sick either: a) don't mind throwing up or b) didn't have sufficient willpower not to. Oh how silly and sad and wrong I was. I even read this before I got pregnant and didn't quite believe it, well I believe it now!
(Excerpt courtesy of babygaga.com)

"Some women are lucky; they don’t get morning sickness. There are some that have a little less luck; they get some morning sickness. Then there are the rest of us, the women with weeks of nonstop vomiting.

All that nonstop vomiting has a name: Hyperemesis. I have a feeling that hyperemesis is Latin for “Poor woman that vomits everything in sight.”

Since hyperemesis isn’t that well known, most people tend to ask questions such as “have you tried crackers?” or “I hear that ginger works.”

For many women, the only thing that works is having an 8-pound baby shoot out of her crotch

I know that people are trying to be helpful, but it is really hard not to go postal on someone offering “advice,” especially if you spent the night before in the emergency room, getting IV fluids for dehydration.

I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to say “Crackers? Really? That’s all it takes? Eating a few stinking crackers? I’ve been vomiting for five months straight and all I needed to do was eat a stinking cracker?” "

Thank goodness I don't have it that bad!

May she rest in peace

2008-09-13T12:41:00.001-04:00

My grandmother died this morning at about 6:30am. Please pray for the repose of her soul.

SARAH PALIN VP - 2008 RNC SPEECH

2008-09-04T14:12:00.002-04:00

For anyone who didn't get a chance to watch her speech last night, you can find it all on Youtube. This is the first part. This woman gives me hope for this years election.

Onward and Upward

2008-09-01T14:03:00.002-04:00

As I sit on the couch, trying not to move too much and eating re-fried bean and cheese quesadillas very v e r y slowly, I have a sinking feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better. I am just 7 weeks pregnant yesterday and I spent a good portion of this morning dry heaving while my wonderful husband tried to find something for me to eat that would make it stop. I got some sea bands or travel bands which seemed to help at first. And they may still be helping, but I think the nausea is simply getting worse. In fact as I type this I can feel that wonderful feeling creeping up on me again. Ugghh, sometimes I wish I could fast forward to the second trimester...

First ultrasound picture

2008-08-29T18:45:00.002-04:00

We went for an early confirmation of pregnancy appointment today and we got to see the baby's heartbeat! It was both exciting and a little odd at the same time. It seems strange sometimes to think that there is another person inside of me, especially when I can't see any signs of it on the outside. I was thinking about posting the picture, but, well it is pretty unremarkable. He or she is still so small and even in the office it looked kind of like a white blob with that amazing little flickering heartbeat. In the meantime I have yet to get my hands on some sea bands to combat this nausea so I can be more productive at work. Hopefully this weekend we will get some. In the meantime I am trying to eat at least every hour to two hours and getting up early in the morning and eating cheese and crackers, still drinking ginger ale as well. I hope I can make up for not eating so well when this all day sickness goes away.

Morning Sickness...

2008-08-26T11:36:00.003-04:00

...actually make that all day sickness, has reared its ugly head. I hate being sick and I hate throwing up even more. This leaves me in the predicament of feeling like I am going to throw up a lot and fighting against this feeling... a lot. My DH says I should just throw up because I will feel better if I do, somehow I don't quite believe him. Anyone else have any helpful advice? I am trying pickles and ginger ale today with some moderate success. I think it is more the ginger ale than anything else though.

In spite of the sickness, or more accurately because of it, I am constantly feeling reassured that this is a strong pregnancy, and I am *trying* to give my suffering up to God for the salvation of poor souls.

Thank You

2008-08-19T21:57:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all of the wonderful prayers. I am pleased to report that as of yesterday my HCG levels were looking great! On Friday my HCG level was about 2800 which my Dr. said was great and on Monday it was about 7000. He said they should double every 48 to 72 hours. I am definitely feeling more relieved. Thank you again for the support and prayers.

The Feast of the Assumption

2008-08-15T21:45:00.002-04:00

A blessing

2008-08-14T18:24:00.003-04:00

We have been blessed once again with new life! I am so happy and nervous at the same time. I am just praying we don't lose this one and that we will have a healthy 9 months and beyond.

Having Faith

2008-08-03T19:59:00.003-04:00

So. I think I have reached an obstacle in my spiritual development. For awhile now I have been dealing with issues of faith. Specifically faith that God has a plan for all of us and that we belong to him, not to ourselves. Most of this struggle has been centered around issues with death. My own death, the death of other people, sickness, etc. I tell myself to just "let God take care of things" and that, if he decided to take me or someone close to me tomorrow, not only could I not do anything about it, I also have to trust that he knows what is best for all of us. My selfish and self centered nature fights against this very strongly and all of this struggle manifests in severe anxiety and fear at times. My husband, wonderful man that he is, has tried his best to be as supportive as possible. He thinks that it may have something to do with the way I was raised. He thinks I never really dealt with the idea of death when I was young and now it is harder for me to deal with. He could be right... I don't know. All I know is that this is HARD. This fight against myself is one of the most difficult internal struggles I have ever experienced. Just trying to remain positive, not give into fear, and have hope... it is like a battle raging inside my head. I started reading "Love is Stronger Than Death". I forget the author offhand and I will let you know if it helps or not.

Meanwhile, we watched the movie "Bella" this weekend. All I can say is wow! What a wonderful, beautiful, sad, and life-affirming story. To say I cried would be an understatement. Of course, I have been more emotional than usual lately anyway but still. I think that movie will be on my Christmas shopping list for everyone in my family this year.

What I have been up to lately...

2008-07-10T19:59:00.000-04:00

First a pair of socks for my Mom's BirthdayOne down and number two about 10% done. Next up is some of my handspun yarn. I am getting better at making the thickness more consistent. I love the color of the blue and white one but it isn't the softest yarn. I will have to think of something creative to do with it.

This yellow is very soft but there is only a tiny bit of it, it came as a free sample with my Drop Spindle.
Purple left over from my first spindle kit.
And finally, I was working on some socks for me with this lovely soft 100% merino sock yarn but I am doing too many sock projects right now so I frogged the sock and decided to make a baby hat out of it. Pattern is from 'Simple 1-2-3 Knitting' .
I also recently picked up this sampler from Knitpicks and I love love love the yarn! I can't wait to start some of the patterns.

Major merger.

2008-07-10T19:54:00.002-04:00

Well, maybe not major so much as minor. I am going to merge my knitting blog with this blog since that is what I am spending a lot of free time doing these days. I seem to be writing challenged though. I have been having some lovely philosophical, political, and religious conversations with my husband recently, which has been wonderful, but whenever I sit down to blog my thoughts seem to dissipate like a mist at sunrise.

A Victory...

2008-06-27T20:30:00.001-04:00

...posted over at FUMARE. Go read about it here.

I especially like the quote from the geneticist:

"Becoming a member of our species is conferred immediately upon conception. At the moment of conception a human being with 46 chromosomes comes into existence. These chromosomes, the organization, the chromosomal pattern is specifically human. The RNA, the messenger protein, the proteins are distinctly human proteins. So this new human being is a member of our species, and humanity is not acquired sometime along the path, it occurs right at conception. Dr. Peeters-Ney also stated that an embryo or fetus is whole in the sense that “[a]ll the genetic information sufficient and necessary to mature, and the information that is needed for this human being’s entire life is present at the time of conception”; that it is “separate from the mother” because “[t]he genetic program is totally complete and this human being will mature according to his or her own program”; and that it is unique because it has “a totally unique genetic code.”

It makes so much sense its scary.

Happy Father's Day!

2008-06-15T13:00:00.001-04:00

Happy Father's Day to all of you Dads out there!

The bad news...

2008-06-04T02:33:00.004-04:00

So I went for my follow up appointment today (well I guess it would be yesterday now since it is 2am) and it was short. The nurse handed me a pamphlet about early pregnancy loss. It really only confirmed what I already knew. Still, it was hard to look at the pamphlet in my lap and the results of my repeat HCG level from Monday. I wasn't surprised, but I wanted it not to be true. So many dreams gone so easily. I know we can keep trying, but I will never have that baby. Still I am thankful that I got to carry a beautiful tiny new life, a brand new soul, inside of me even if only for a very short time. And someday I hope I will meet that soul and know the person who I never got to hold in my arms.

Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?

2008-05-30T17:13:00.002-04:00

Well the good news is I am pregnant! I found out last Sunday and was ecstatic and a little stunned. All of our family was happy for us and it was a perfect way to end our vacation. Also I found out today that I will start my new job (day shift wahoo!!) on June 9th, thank goodness.

Now for the bad news. I started spotting yesterday... then bleeding. :( I was totally freaked out and unhappy last night. I went to the doctor this morning and he did an ultrasound which showed a sac in my uterus which was good because he was worried about an ectopic pregnancy but he said he still can't completely rule out the possibility of one. I have been feeling pretty scared about that but I am trying to remain hopeful. I am supposed to head for the ER if I get stabbing pains. So far I have just felt a little crampy but I have felt that way since before I found out I was pregnant so it really isn't new. I just feel like I am having a period. My mom said when she was pregnant with me she had a full blown period the first month. I just hope and pray I don't lose the baby. That is about all for now, I am supposed to go back on Monday to get a second HCG level drawn and then again on Tuesday for a follow up appointment. I will post updates when I know more.

Quote of the week

2008-04-30T00:08:00.003-04:00

"It was the anti-clerical and agnostic world that was always prophesying the advent of universial peace; it is that world that was, or should have been, abashed and confounded by the advent of universal war."

-G.K. Chesterton

An Update

2008-04-23T03:47:00.002-04:00

I am struggling but I am still here. I have applied for a new job (one that actually starts and ends in the daytime as opposed to 7:30pm to 8am- what I have been doing for awhile) and I am going to cut down my hours some in order to slow things down for awhile because of some health problems I am having. While, if I get the job, this will hopefully help my stress level and general well being, it will undoubtedly cause some financial strain. If you remember, toss a prayer or two my way and also for my wonderfully patient and supportive husband, it would be much appreciated.

Frustration, Worry, and Prayer

2008-04-09T12:04:00.003-04:00

I am an anxious person. I worry about all kinds of things, large and small. Lately I have been worrying a lot more than is probably good for me. I don't like to worry, it is kind of like self torture but I have such a hard time trying not to. I *know* I am supposed to pray and give it up to God, knowing he has infinite wisdom in his plan for me, for my life, for the lives of my loved ones. The thing is... I am still pretty new to my faith and it is not as rock solid as it should be sometimes. I have doubts, I have fears. Mostly I am afraid of death, my own and that of my loved ones. It seems like it should be irrational to fear it, especially since I have become Catholic. Don't get me wrong, the realization that this life is not all there is and that when it ends it doesn't mean that it is THE end for us has really brought me comfort. The problem is I still fall back into old habits and thinking patterns. I suppose it makes some sense since my whole life I had those doubts and fears and questions. I have only in the last 2 years begun to see life in a different way. It doesn't really help matters that I have a few health problems that surface from time to time and make me realize my mortality very acutely. One of them is problems with my heart rate and rhythm, another is an autoimmune disease that attacks my thyroid. I sometimes become overwhelmed with fear and I find I cannot be very inspired in the prayer department at those times when I probably most should be.

I have thought about going to talk with a priest about these things, but in the end I have a feeling that it will still be my struggle alone to deal with. Maybe it is a test or maybe it is my cross to bear... but lately it has been impacting my everyday life more and that is not good, or at least I am not dealing with it well and it is affecting my husband lately too. I have set goals in life which I am failing to meet and that causes me to be more frustrated and worried. I know I should pray more about it and I am going to make a serious effort to do so, but sometimes it is hard not knowing the answer. Maybe in the long run I will realize why things are the way they are now, and God's plan for me will be revealed. It is just so hard to see that from my small and limited perspective.

Sometimes I think maybe I am making mountains out of molehills. After all, I do not lack for food, shelter, clothing, or love in my life. Perhaps I am simply spoiled and ungrateful? I have a good job, or at least one that pays the bills and allows us to set some money aside for savings every month. Not to say that my job isn't stressful, but I am luckier than most people in this world.

Well that is enough venting from me for now. Hopefully it will help relieve some of the pressure and maybe now I can focus enough to go have a conversation with God and be patient enough to wait for his answer.

I am Catholic!!!

2008-03-25T10:51:00.003-04:00

I am finally home.

Confirmation

2008-03-19T07:57:00.004-04:00

I am so excited that I will finally be confirmed this Saturday at Easter Vigil! My first confession was yesterday and it was a wonderfully healing experience. I feel so much lighter and I am so grateful for God's mercy and love. My sister and brother in-law are here visiting for Easter with their six week old daughter (my first niece!!) And my mother and father in-law are scheduled to arrive later this evening. I feel so blessed to have all of them in my life and also for my wonderful supportive husband. In spite of his own struggles he has helped me so much along this spiritual journey. I just feel so very glad and blessed.

Look what I made!

2008-02-18T12:12:00.003-05:00

I knitted this for my new niece but I think it is (much) too big for her right now. Still, I was encouraged that it came out halfway decent and I think I will try again.

Blogger is driving me crazy...

2008-02-16T22:01:00.001-05:00

I can't seem to get the font right, the size of the font right, or the order of posting right. It is driving me crazy and I apologize for any sudden font changes you may experience while reading this blog.

On Marriage and Gender Roles

2008-02-16T20:58:00.003-05:00

There was an interesting discussion going on over at Fumare that I posted some responses too. I copied my responses and pasted them here because I have been meaning to write about this subject for awhile but have a hard time articulating exactly what I think. The articles linked there got the writing juices flowing so to speak. Here is a link to the article that inspired the Fumare post. And here is another article that someone posted a link to in the comments.

"Well here is another female perspective. I first have to say the article made me very sad indeed. I have to agree with Anyonymous and Columcille above. Women do have to wake up and realize that this idea of a perfect fantasy man who will ride in, sweep her off her feet, and spend the rest of his life trying only to serve her and make her happy is completely absurd. We are all flawed creatures. I don't like how the author talks about marriage as "settling". I think people should simply have a more realistic, understanding, charitable view of their fellow human beings and especially of the opposite sex. Women today seem so selfish and concerned with finding a "perfect" man. There is no such thing. As Anonymous said above:

"I'm so glad to see that someone is finally realizing that women need to be told that they DO have to make a choice to marry and not keep waiting forever. It's not really "settling" per-se, but it is a wakeup call to realize that we DO have to make choices. And if our dream man is impossible, then we are really choosing to remain single."

If a woman is self centered and unrealistic about what a relationship with the opposite sex really should be then she truly is choosing to remain single, even if she doesn't realize it. Another problem women have these days is how negatively men are represented in main stream culture. We are brainwashed from an early age that men are chauvanistic (sp?), immature, weak, and perverse. Mainstream culture says: if a man wants to marry a woman who will stay home and raise his children he is both chauvanistic and possibly perverse, maybe even immature because he needs someone to take care of him. Heck, lets throw in weak as well since he obviously couldn't stand to be married to a woman who is more successful than him, he must be trying to make himself look stronger by marrying someone passive. HOW RIDICULOUS!! And that is only a mild example of how badly men are maligned in today's culture!
Once upon a time I was a feminist, I thought I would go to college, grad school, maybe get married and then someday think about having children. I have been lucky enough to have been shown the light, so to speak. I married my true love and guess what? He isn't perfect. He is, however, the man of my dreams. How can anyone call that settling?
Lady of the Lakes | 02.14.08 - 12:48 am |

In response to Yikes! above I would venture to put forth the idea that women are at least in part, if not mostly, the reason men today don't "man up" anymore as she (i am assuming Yikes! is a she) put it. The sexual revolution supposedly gave women the power to "enjoy" casual sex as simply another form of entertainment and personal pleasure. So we have women who are no longer discerning with whom they copulate with and do not value their chastity. Think about the effect this has has on men. Why buy the cow indeed! It used to be that men were manly because they had to be to get a mate, they needed to be respectful, responsible, and generally upright sorts. There was more of a dance of courtship between the sexes. Now it seems to go something like this: "I think he's cute and he seems really nice, I wonder if the third date is too early to sleep with him... maybe I should wait till the 4th or 5th." Once she does, having no deeper meaning than a handshake and no build up of anticipation and true feeling, the relationship sooner or later ends and both parties are more injured and empty from the encounter.
I am not suggesting that men are driven solely by their desire for sex in life, many men are driven to do great and not so great things in life by many other factors. However, when it comes to the opposite sex isn't it often the physical attraction to a person that stimulates the formation of a romantic relationship? Why is that a bad thing? I am sure everyone has had a friend of the opposite sex that never became a romantic interest simply because the physical attraction was not there. I think God made us that way for a reason, there is nothing wrong with sexual attraction bringing two people together. The problem is when sex is not taken as seriously as it is intended to be. Women used to have more power when they assumed traditional roles because of their attraction for men. I also would venture to say because they were more mild, modest, and feminine (at least in appearance) they inspired a desire in men to provide for and protect them. Keeping some things a secret only makes them more tantalizing. Men want to feel like MEN, they want to be needed and feel strong. Women today do not inspire this sentiment in the opposite sex for the most part. Their dress is far from modest and their behaviors are often aggressive and uncultured. If you don't believe me take a look at Hollywood. Compare a female actor's appearance and mannerisms from, say, the 1940's or 50's with the female celebrities of today. Which girl is a true man going to want to marry? The sweet and modest girl next door, or the girl who dresses a few notches away from a common prostitute and eschews any behaviors that might give the impression of softness or femininity? Maybe that is a bit extreme and most women fall somewhere in between those two contrasts. Because women treat themselves so crudely, men no longer have to be manly to attract a woman. It will be enough that he is simply good-looking enough to go to bed with. Why should he put in any extra work to become responsible or mature? Now I know there are still men out there who are responsible and mature (I married one ) and lucky is the girl who lands one of these! I also think that there are many men out there who want to be that man but have never been given the opportunity. These are the men that simply need a little nudging and care from a woman who is not afraid to be a womanly.
Lady of the Lakes | 02.16.08 - 9:53 am |

The article Yikes! linked supports my point here. I have to agree with Yikes! when she (again assuming) she says that too many women focus on their careers. I think it is a little more involved than this though. It brings to mind the adage that "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." Women, it seems, actually bought into this. They try and achieve a career, family, hobbies, and a fulfilled life all by themselves. The men in their lives are seen as incidental, providing only physical pleasure, comfort, and a warm body to stave off loneliness.

"symptoms of backlash, a masculinity crisis. Men feel threatened by female empowerment, these thinkers argue, and in their anxiety, they cling to outdated roles."

(An excerpt from the article) I don't think men are threatened by empowered women, to say so is misleading. I think men sense the true attitudes of modern women, that they are really only an accessory to a woman who already "has it all" or is striving for this type of life. And if all he is is an accessory, why would we expect him to "man up" or grow up? Who wants to be some high powered, workaholic, oversexed woman's sidekick? Any volunteers? It reminds me of the Queen of heart's husband in Alice in wonderland. If I were a man I would choose to be a boy forever rather than be sentenced to that kind of existence.
Lady of the Lakes | 02.16.08 - 10:28 am |"

Now, for anyone who does not know me, I am a working woman and I currently happen to be supporting us so that my husband can finish law school. I am not saying that every woman who goes to work fits into the category described above. I just think too many women lose sight (or maybe never had it to begin with ) of things that are really important in life. Marriage is about work and sacrifice and compromise. Love too of course, love above all else makes it possible. Our ideal plan would be for me to stay home and my husband to work but that simply isn't possible right now. So I work and when I am not working I do the best I can to be a supportive wife. I don't always do it perfectly or even well but we have an understanding about where we are in life right now and what each of us is capable of. The important thing is that we both strive to cultivate our marriage, we respect each other and try to keep the other person's best interests in mind. Anyway, this post might need some editing but I wanted to get it all down so that I would actually POST it and not just mull it over and over till it faded away into some dimly lit corner of my brain. :)

Back to the drawing board.

2008-02-16T10:25:00.002-05:00

So I did a little reading about my new skin care solution (or so I thought). While the Noxzema does work... it has some not so good chemicals in it that could be toxic. So, as the title says, back to the drawing board. Any suggestions about natural products that help acne?

Problem Skin?

2008-02-10T02:50:00.001-05:00

For those of you uninterested in ramblings about the woes of modern day skin care, this post is not for you. :)

Ok, so I have had "problem" skin since I was about 12 years old. I used to think I would "grow out of" my acne and oily skin, but that has not happened yet and I am going on 26 so I think it would be a safe bet that I never will. I have tried many many products, mostly over the counter stuff although I did see a dermatologist when I was in high school with unsatisfactory results (liquid nitrogen- ouch!, some kind of cream that made my face look like it was unevenly burned... enough said). So in the past 10 years or so my skin care regimen has been based on products with salicylic acid in them. It doesn't do too bad a job keeping the worst of the acne at bay and sometimes my skin would even look more or less clear, but I have some problems with these products. First of all, it seems like when I use them (especially in winter) I have a strong tendency to get bloody noses. We arent talking a tiny bit of blood on a kleenex here, we are talking 'it looks like someone just punched you in the face' bloody noses. Also they seem to lose their effectiveness over time. So then I would switch to some all natural, organic, nothing in it that I couldn't pronounce, type of product and suffer the oiliness and breakouts again for awhile till I eventually went back to the Neutrogena/Biore/etc. products. Sometimes I would even combine the two, Neutrogena wash, burts bees cream, all natural face wash, Salicylic acid cream, whatever. Did I mention that this type of system is also kind of a pain? It would usually involve a seperate cleanser for day and night and a serperate cream for day and night. Four products in all and extra time to morning and bedtime routines.

Then, a few weeks ago, I got fed up with all the half empty product containers in my bathroom, the bleeding, and the time consuming routine and decided to try something different. Lo and behold it worked! I was down to one, just one, product! No creams, gels, washes, scrubs, anti-acne anything! My skin started to look more even and my breakouts are subdued at least as well as they ever have been if not better. Not that I look like Jessica Simpson on those Proactive commercials or anything but my skin looks good enough that I don't feel too self conscious if I go out to get groceries with no makeup on. What is this miracle product you ask? It is plain old, teenage retro, cooling, soothing Noxzema! I was keeping a jar of it around for soothing sunburns. I have since gone out and bought another jar having used the rest of what I had. The best part is, since I buy the kind with "added moisturizers" I don't even need a cream or lotion. Just wash and I am done. I know this may not sound exciting or interesting to most people but if anyone has battled with their skin for as long as I have (or longer) you will understand the relief in getting rid of all of the junk in your medicne cabinet, cutting about 5 min off your morning and evening routine, and, in my case, no more bloody noses! Alright, that was enough superficial mundane stuff, back to my regularly scheduled (or not so regular) blogging.

Edit: After reading this post I found it sounded like a Noxzema advertisment, which it is not. Well, at least I didn't intend it to be but it sorta turned out that way lol. Too bad they aren't paying me!

My first Lent

2008-02-05T10:13:00.000-05:00

Ok well technically, I suppose, my first Lent won't be until next year since I am not yet Catholic but as I think about Lent being a time of conversion it seems appropriate to call it my first. RCIA is going well, I have to admit I was initially disappointed. I think I expected a lot more hand holding and a sense of being led gently into Catholicism. Instead my RCIA classes have been more of a challenge. When I first realized I wanted to become Catholic (about a year and a half ago) I initially had an abundance of wonder and hope, doubts to be sure, but the overall feeling I had was very warm. I wasn't able to participate in RCIA at first because the parish we were attending had started their classes much earlier in the year and I would have already missed out on too much. I was disappointed but resolved to learn more and prepare myself for RCIA the following year. I didn't expect to continue to have so many issues with doubt but it seems the more I learn the more I have to take a long hard look at myself, my motivations, my beliefs (ingrained and otherwise), and my life. This kind of self examination and realization has been hard work, harder than I ever expected. I think the thing I struggle the most with is trusting God. I fall too easily back onto relying only on myself and trying to control things which no one really has control over. I then find myself extremely anxious, fearful, and sometimes depressed, even in light of my general good fortune in life. I was reading this post today and it got me thinking. I know exactly what she is talking about here, for the first time in my life I am starting to have a peek at what real joy can be. I have been happy before, don't get me wrong, but I sooner or later would have to deal with the feeling of that happiness not being quite enough, or quite right. I too assumed that I simply had a bad outlook, that, as a result of my childhood, I believed good things couldn't really happen to me out of some sort of poor self esteem issue. I always felt undeserving and apprehensive that anything good in my life was sure to be followed by something bad. I think now that it more accurate to say good things can't happen without God. Or, in other words, even our most joyful successes and achievements are meaningless without God. We are undeserving, but God still loves us and only the full acknowledgment and pursuit of that love can bring us true happiness. I struggle with myself daily in trying to let go of my habits and fears and just trust. I need to always remember that, for all my reading and rationality, faith is still a gift. It is not something I can conjure up on my own and I must continually ask and pray for this gift. I need to depend on God for my happiness and spiritual comfort. I cannot comfort myself because I cannot control every aspect of the world around me. I cannot comfort myself because I am human and weak and vulnerable to sin and anxiety. Only God is above all of this.
This Lent is going to be both extremely challenging and extremely transformative for me. I am both looking forward to it and afraid at the same time. I only hope that I can continue to grow towards God and learn to trust myself to him in every way.

I am an aunt!

2008-02-01T22:09:00.000-05:00

Yay! Congratulations Al & Jen, hello baby Dagny!

Apologies

2008-01-25T07:09:00.001-05:00

I know there aren't many people who drop by this little blog in it's little corner of the web but I have to apologize if anyone has tried to email me and didn't get a response. It seems my yahoo email has been inactivated from under use (eep!). So I linked a different email in my profile (one that I check more frequently). Once again my humblest apologies if I missed your email.